Expired Film

[jwyche]

I developed an old roll of film. Earlier the film lounged in my car, day and night, for weeks. It wasn't worth developing because it was wrecked, I thought.

Here's the roll of film while I use this space as my personal therapist.





This is NYC Nick, who's currently residing in Sydney, Australia. He and I are supposed to be working as a team here and there for art stuffs. But I'm having a problem with it.

Maybe the only lesson I ever learned out of school: who cares? So you're saying the world is flat/ we evolved from zombies/ all dogs should have violins glued to their backs- fine. Why does the rest of the world care what you're saying?

NYC Nick has an easy time thinking of images that are semi-political, images with messages we should care about because technology is making us stupid or corn is taking over the world. I do not have an easy time with that at all. Here, let me draw diagrams of how blood flows through the heart. Let me draw women with stalkings and lightening. Let me draw things the world has seen a million times before, which are (at best) the equivalent of a catchy but vapid pop tune.





How do I make my stuff mean something?

I don't care if no one looks, as long as I can be certain it means something.

My mom and dad love this Chinese place.



This guy was a waiter there. I have seen him one time and never before or since. I thought he had interesting skin. The photo doesn't really show it.



Do regular people have the problem of not wanting to go out and do social things? I haven't done anything with my friends since before I went to Seattle. Some people (me) will always find excuses not to do stuff. People are scary out there.

Sometimes perfectly normal people creep me out. Perfectly normal things make me feel funny.



Most of my friends are working 40-60 hours/week and going to school.

I'm about to be 26 and I'm living a dream that no one believe in except for me.





I come from what I come from. I am the granddaughter of this wrecked '50 Ford. You can't change your blood. My blood has ink in it. Ink, Mexico, Vikings, film emulsion, and I guess colors that taste like things though no one ever mentions is.





Sometimes my density suddenly changes and the world is too heavy or maybe I'm the one that's too heavy but either way we seem to be separating like blood does in a centrifuge. Everything that is a different density is falling away from me, even stuff that used to be part of me like-

you know what?
I think I would like to make a fake map today like I did when I was little. Cos I can, I want to, and I will.

Boo sometimes loves me. Dad always loves me. No one cares what Chaco thinks. I always love Boo. I always love Dad. Dad usually loves Boo. Dad always loves Chaco. Chaco always loves Dad. Chaco always hates Boo. Boo always wants to pester Chaco. And that is how the spider web goes.

Comments

[theperipheral.livejournal.com]

I don't really like socializing in person. I prefer online friends because they become what I want them to be and there is no danger of them disappointing me. Which sometimes sucks.

[frostapostraphe.livejournal.com]

But you have a girlfriend and a band, so obviously you do -some- socializing, right? I don't know. I know what you mean because sometimes I prefer online friends because it seems safer. *nonsense*

[theperipheral.livejournal.com]

Yes I do some socializing but that doesn't mean it's easy, blah.

[frostapostraphe.livejournal.com]

True that. Has God forwarded you anything?

[theperipheral.livejournal.com]

God has sent me nothing. It should have e-mailed me.