If you have a choice, choose mules

They say that people don't have On/Off switches for their feelings, but they do. Some of us do. And if you have such a switch, you may feel very uncomfortable when you realize it is switching to Off. And you see why and it all makes sense but you can't do anything about it.

I went back to the place I used to live yesterday. That is by far the closest I've come to turning one of my Off switches back to On. I saw very little, stayed very shortly.





The other obvious thing I have realized is: the sensation a person dreads most, the one that she perhaps goes to great lengths to avoid, it can be tolerated if there's no choice. So I'll just stay here and feel my feelings quietly.

Actually, I have wondered what would make me feel better and have decided a nice round of camping by myself would make me feel better. It will snow tonight, they say, but tomorrow it would be nice to slink away and feel these feelings at least in some fresh air.

The pineapple I have been eating comes from Costa Rica.



Also, on a similar note:
Please bear in mind that if you should send a text that says, "I saw you at xyz, but I didn't want to say hi because I didn't want you to think I was stalking you," you have defeated yourself. If you didn't want to say hi, then why bother to mention it later via text unless you just want me to feel bad?

Nameless person,
I don't reply to your texts,
I don't reply to your emails,
I am in my own cocoon and that is my preferred strategy for life.
Whatever it is that you want out of me, I am sorry, I cannot give it. I wish I could. It might make me a regular person.
Please stop.

The rest of the world:
You exist and that is dandy. I hope you understand.